Magic books piled on a table
by Electra11
Summary: It takes a while to realize what you've really lost. The crew and Sinbad deal with the aftermath of Dim-Dim message at the end of "The Sacrifice", and with Maeve being gone. Answering the challenge set for me on my LJ! ANGST!


_I've been somehow challenged by **daisy** on my livejournal, to write something about Sinbad's feelings on Maeve in season 2. The result is this angsty musing... I feel bad for Sinbad, really. But it wasn't my idea washing Maeve overboard, so don't kill me! :(  
**TiaKisu** dearest, sorry if I didn't wait for you to answer my PM, but inspiration struck... and it sort of came out this way. :P  
_

_Another missing scene from "The Sacrifice" - Usual DISCLAIMERS applied._

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Doubar patted his hand on Rongar shoulder, letting the moor take his shift to the tiller before stretching tiredly and heading the galley. It had been an awfully long day, beginning with Sinbad and Maeve being washed overboard, then full of anguish for their fate, then grief for Maeve's death, then relief for her surviving... and then pain again for losing their lass for good.

It took a while after Dim Dim intervention for them to realize what really happened, the loss in their kind-of-family dawning on them, blowing out the pain like an exploding stick of Firouz's.

The captain's elder brother sighed, leaning on the railing to stare at the dark water surrounding them, the star lights twinkling softly in the waves. He was going to miss Maeve, big time. He was going to miss the sparkle she brought in everything she did, the care she showed to him, the light teasing, the small attentions... heck, he was even going to miss her fussing up on everything or messing up with magic. Doubar chuckled, shaking his head. One year earlier he would have never thought he would have missed having a woman (and specially that particular woman) on the Nomad... but there he was, already missing Maeve after a few hours. Doubar shrugged helplessy, before waving his hand to Rongar and taking the door leading into the Nomad. He was surprised to find Firouz right after it, staring intently to the table in the center of the small chamber.  
"Firouz…?" the best mate called uncertainly, his hand already on his scimitar handling while staring intently to the room, looking for something wrong.  
"Oh… Hi Doubar." The inventor babbled, snapping out of his thoughts to smile sheepishly to his friend. "Didn't hear you coming, sorry." He shrugged, glancing in guilt at the table, again.  
"Why are you staring at a table, then? Shouldn't you be sleeping? Your shift start early tomorrow…" Doubar pointed out, furrowing his eyebrows.  
"I know. I know… but I wasn't staring at the table. I was staring at the books." Firouz sighed, turning to watch the magic books neatly piled on the corner of the table, right were Rongar set them right after the storm, while they were checking for damages and looking for their missing captain and sorceress. "It's silly and irrational, she's alive and well after all… she's with Dim Dim… but I-I…" the inventor stuttered, sighing in frustration.

"I know the feeling, Firouz." Doubar nodded, casting a guilty glance to the books as well before doing his best to ignore them. "Ale?"  
"The strongest you can find, Doubar…" the inventor mumbled, following his friend up to the cabinets.  
"What about that Bryn person?" Doubar muttered, starting to look for his personal reserve of ale, without looking to his friend.  
"I settled her up in the room we use for the random passenger, as Sinbad told me. She's perfectly healthy, now resting I think…" Firouz informed him, fidgeting with his medallion.  
"I hope she won't mind for the less than warm welcome…"  
"I don't think so. She looks like the supportive kind of person."  
Doubar chose that moment to look at the inventor, noticing him still staring to Maeve's books.  
"Firouz. Stop it." He snapped, glaring at his friend.  
"Sorry. I just can't help it."  
"It's not like she died or anything… She's fine! She's just… away!" Doubar tried to reason, waving his hands to punctuate his words.  
"I know… but I told you I was being irrational! Don't complain then!" Firouz defended himself. Doubar stopped his rummaging, eying the inventor before nodding to the books.  
"Move those books, so we can drink without you going irrational then! You're annoyingly when you're irrational!" the elder man grumbled. Firouz stared wide-eyed at him, shaking his head before taking a step back.  
"I don't want to move those books! Why don't you move them?" Doubar was caught off guard, going wide-eyed before quickly covering his distress renewing his research for the ale.  
"I'm looking for the drinks. So you got to move the books."  
"I can't Doubar! What do you think I was doing when you came down?" Firouz babbled, rubbing tiredly his eyes "Sinbad shouted me to make those books disappear as soon as I left Bryn's cabin, and I've been trying to gather the strengths to do it since that moment…" "Sinbad shouted at you?" Doubar asked, quirking an eyebrow at the news before looking around for any hint of his little brother.  
"Yes, he did… But moving those books and hiding them somewhere means to accept she won't be around anymore to challenge my science with her magical mumbo-jumbo… and… it's awful! So… I can't move those books, Doubar. I'm sorry, but I can't." Firouz stubbornly finished, shaking his head. Doubar sighed deeply, staring in the direction of the table.

"Make someone of the crew stock them somewhere safe… because if Maeve will ever come back and find them damaged, she will roast us with a fireball…" Doubar muttered, the inventor nodding quietly "I'm going to check on Sinbad." The best mate added, looking through the chamber.  
"He took a bottle of ale and disappeared with Dermott…He's taking it bad, even if he tries to hide it." Firouz pointed out sadly.  
"As stubborn as ever, when it comes to Maeve… I'll see you later Firouz." Doubar sighed, taking his way inside the Nomad, venturing quietly to Maeve's former cabin, where he wasn't surprised at all to find his little brother. Doubar stared sorrowful at Sinbad, who was curled on the floor, his back to Maeve's bed, Dermott perched above him on the bedside, a half-empty bottle of ale by his side and a well-known brown cloak in his hands.

Behind his dishevelled look, Sinbad looked younger than ever, desperate and lonely to Doubar. He was just staring at Maeve cloak, unshed tears in his eyes, his shoulder slumped down.  
"Sinbad..."  
"Hey, big brother. Come in. You know, I can still breath her in..." he mumbled to Doubar, before grasping the bottle of ale and taking a long gulp, staring then then at his elder brother while he stepped next to him, somehow lowering down on the pavement, Dermott chirping.

"I mean... I know she's fine. I trust Master Dim Dim with my life..." Sinbad began after a moment of silence, handing the bottle of ale to his big brother. "But I don't trust anyone with her life, that's all. Not that I did anything better protecting her, since she was washed overboard thanks to my orders... I'm a danger to who I love, Doubar, it's the second time that someone I care about is taken away from me due to my weakness..." Sinbad snorted, earning a surprised look by Doubar.  
"It wasn't your fault, Sinbad... and you know it. If Rumina wanted to harm Mae-" Doubar silenced abruptly at Sinbad sharp glare.

"Don't. Don't say aloud that name." he almost growled, taking quickly another sip of ale, breathing deeply. "If you want to keep my sanity, I don't have to hear that name until we get to see her again, Doubar."  
"Little brother..."  
"Don't little brother me, Doubar! Do you know what is like to see the woman you love being taken away from you, again?!" he snapped, harshly, grasping Maeve's cloak in his clenched fist. "Do you know the pang of fear I felt when I saw her falling overboard? Do you know the blind desperation I felt when I couldn't find her in the water? I didn't care when the waves where taking me down, my only thought was HER, because I was failing her, letting her die on me before I got to say her how much I love her! Because Doubar, I love her... I love her so much that is already driving me crazy knowing I'm not going to see her again anytime soon!" Sinbad shouted, lowering his head in defeat, his shoulders shaken by silent tears. Doubar sighed, before circling his little brother with his arm an squeezing him to his side, relief spreading through him when Sinbad didn't fight him back, letting the tears run freely. Dermott screeched loudly, flapping his wings without flying, and the best mate couldn't help but think that even the hawk was somehow mourning his mistress disappearance.

"When Dim Dim appeared earlier, I said to myself that I could wait until next time I met Maeve... But who was I trying to kid, Doubar?" Sinbad sighed, wiping hastily the tears away "I came down in the galley, I saw her books on the table... and I felt like someone was ripping away my heart all over again. I came here with Featherbrain and... there I am. I can't do this, Doubar." he shook his head, grasping the bottle of ale before Doubar could move it away. Dermott screeched again, as to confirm Sinbad words, making the captain turn to stare at it.  
"I can't give you any ale, Derm... sorry." he smiled sadly, toasting to the hawk "But I'll drink for two, I promise my friend." he muttered, the alcohol starting to kick in.

"Sinbad, maybe you should try to rest."  
"No thank you. I want to get drunk and stop caring about everything..." Sinbad announced brightly, nudging his big brother "I don't want to feel anything anymore. That's my survival plan!"  
"Not one of your smartest, little brother, if I can object..."  
"Permission denied, Doubar. It's the only good plan I got... and I'm going to stick to it." Sinbad whispered, a haunted look passing through his eyes for an instant before being replaced by an almost ferocious glare. He stood up, staring for a moment to Maeve cloak still in his hands before throwing it on the bed.

"Lock this door when you come out, and store the key somewhere safe. I want to forget it even exist until she comes back." he muttered to Doubar, stumbling to the door frame before turning to stare at the room wistfully. "Until next time we meet, Maeve... until next time." he sighed, before disappearing in the alley.

"I hope that next time will be soon, Dermott... because I don't like this plan at all." Doubar muttered to the hawk, standing up as well while staring at the open door where Sinbad disappeared. The hawk seemed to agree, chirping loudly before flying out, after the Captain... and Allah only knew how much looking after Sinbad was going to need, in the coming months.

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_More to come, I think... in the meantime, review? :)_


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